Being Mum

Dear Joseph, I am sorry that I lied to you..

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    Dear Joseph,

Long before I met you I loved you. It sounds a bit cliche doesn’t it but its true. I was obsessed with you from the second I found out I was pregnant. At any given opportunity I would proudly take a picture of my ‘growing bump’ and send it our family and friends. Right from the beginning until the day you were born I was in total awe. I had dreamt of this day like alot of girls dream of their Wedding day. When I look back at photos that I took at the beginning of my pregnancy, I looked more bloated from eating Pie and Mash rather than pregnant but I was so proud to show off my growing tummy, there wasn’t one day that I wasn’t filled with amazement of this little human growing inside me.wp-1473410022251.jpg

When you were born it was more familiarity, like, ‘hello you’. We had already shared many special moments together, long before that moment.  We would be in the bath and I would play; Andrea Bocelli’s rendition of ‘Love me tender’ and Adele – ‘Make you feel my love’, and when you were born I would sing them to you to get you off to sleep, sometimes I still do. Now however, you are able to communicate with me that you are quite clearly not a fan of Mummy’s singing voice.

A Mum’s protective nature is there way before their babies are born. We are forever putting a protective hand over our bump to protect you the best we can, eating and living as healthy as possible – doing all in our power to ensure that you are ‘ok’. As far as I was concerned, there was nothing that I wouldn’t be able to protect you from. I told you that as you grew up I will always be honest with you and never lie.

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I’m so sorry my darling, I have lied to you. The truth is, I can’t always protect you. I will never stop trying but I physically can’t protect you from the evil that is out there. I will be there when I need to put a  ‘Thomas the Tank Engine’ plaster on your grazed knee, I will be there for you when you first have your heart broken, which you will because you will love so hard like me – I will forever be there and protect you where possible however there is an evil out there, that makes it impossible for me to fully protect you. Being able to always protect you is a promise that I cannot keep, and that breaks my heart, because we struck a deal long before you were born – that we would always protect each other. For a while it felt possible, for the first few months when we were in our own little bubble – until reality hit and the truth was somewhat different.

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Whilst I cannot always be there to protect you, what I can do, that no evil force can stop me from doing is prepare and teach you. This is something that no one could ever take away from us. I will show you how to love, with every part of your being – I will teach you to open your eyes and see that in a world that can be so cruel, there is so much good that outweighs the bad – I will show you the importance of helping people but I will also show you the importance of protecting yourself, because Mummy and Daddy won’t always be there to psychically protect you from danger. Most of all, I will teach you to live with no restrictions. You will go to that London bar, you will go and see your favourite singer/band ( I may even teach you how to crowd surf 😉 ), you will go to that Football match – you will live your life without fear – no matter what evil is around you, that is something that cannot be taken away from you.

So Joseph, whilst I can’t promise I will always be there to protect you, I will ensure that whilst it is important to be aware of everything that is happening around you – you need to know the importance of loving and living without fear or restirctions = that is something that not even the most evil of evils can take away from you. Just by doing that alone, we are winning.

                                                                                                Love, Mummy x

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