6th February 2019
I made it no secret to Adam that when Joseph was 6months old I wanted another baby within a year. I just always had this idea that when I had children, there wouldn’t be much of an age gap between them. As with many things in life, things don’t always work out the way you want them to/plan, however finally, here we are 😊 The age gap between them both may be slightly bigger than we had initially planned, but us knowing how much she was longed for, in a way, makes it even more exciting..although not gonna lie, I’m equally filled with a whole lotta nervousness.
The thing is, I feel totally out of touch! Joseph is almost 3 and half years old.. it feels like a lifetime since he was a newborn. When I used to ask my Dad things about us growing up, I never really understood why some things he couldn’t remember, but now I totally get it! There has been so many different stages of development since Joseph was a baby, it really is hard to remember them all! So even though I have already brought a baby in to the world and raised him into the little boy who I am immensely proud of… I can’t remember a bloody thing.
For some reason it feels even more scary this time around. With your first, there is an element of naivety isn’t there..you have no idea what to expect so you just go with it and take it a little more in your stride. Having already had a first, I know of everything that is to come and I just feel so rusty on it all.. how often do they feed??? How long do you wind them for? God, im actually freaking out as I type.. I cant bloody remember!!! & don’t get me started on the fact that she is a Summer baby!!! I have no experience with that at all.. what will she wear??? Will she get too hot?? What will she sleep in? Oh my god..I NEED A WINE!!! My friends reassure me that it will all come back to me, and it will.. I know it will but even so, I would be lying if I said it wasn’t freaking me the hell out!!!
Joseph was an end of Summer baby which I found much easier.. vest, baby grow etc done. Will this one be too hot? Oh my god, I need to chill out!!
Anyway, all that franticness and over thinking aside, I am getting so excited. Naturally the Mum guilt towards Joseph will always be there, and I don’t doubt will come in ebbs and flows, but I am allowing myself to get excited now and we have started to buy her more bits (admittedly I’m finding myself having to buy Joseph stuff at the same time, as I feel so bad) BUT, not as guilty as I felt last week http://jaxandjoseph.co.uk/being-mum/were-back/
I am almost 22 weeks (5.5months) and we have our 20 week scan tomorrow.. eeeeek. Mental to think that we should be finding out the babies gender (being the worlds impatient person, we went Private to find out at 16 weeks so it feels like we have known forever) Hold one, wait a minute… what if they actually have it wrong and tell us Marther is actually an Arthur.. holy shit, can you actually imagine!!! It does happen doesn’t it!! IMAGINE.
Anyway, look forward to letting you all know how that does.. so excited to see our little lady again on the big screen and see how much she has grown!! Judging by these kicks she has been dishing out the past week I would say pretttttty big! I look forward to more updates on our exciting journey from three to FOUR! X