& just like that, you’re THREE
& just like that, I’ve been your Mummy for THREE years.
Life in general is one big whirlwind isn’t it?! It’s like you hit 20 and the years start to roll into one, its crazy. Fast forward the whirlwind that has been my 20’s…nine years in (holy shit) & add a child into the mix and it gets even more crazier. This is really cliché, and I know I have only been rocking Motherhood for 3 years, but, my god have they flown by?! Life with Joseph is a little more stressful, a little more tiring, but a whole lot more fulfilling and I would be truly lost without him. As I have mentioned before, its one big emotional rollercoaster.
This day three years ago, was to be the last time Ad & I would wake up as just the two of us. Thinking back to those days before Joseph.. the house must have felt so still and quiet! It was to be the day that I was off to be induced, two long ole weeks overdue. We must have cleaned the house to every inch of its life, as though the Royal’s were coming to visit.. well I guess in a way they were. Only this little royal was to take a permanent residency with us – our very own little Prince. It is truly the most surreal feeling knowing that you’re leaving the house as two, and going to be coming back as a three. Life as we knew it, was about to do a complete 360. Looking back, although we were 26, in a way we still felt quite young, and I guess compared to now, we probably still had an element of immaturity about us. We were responsible adults in the sense that we were holding down jobs and running a home together, but we really had no idea how much our life was about to change. I think, especially with your first.. although you have those long 9 months to prepare, it’s still a bloody shock when they arrive. After a fairly short labour (but still tiring) our beautiful baby boy arrived at 4.23am, all 8lb8 of him I remember looking down at him in complete shock. I think, especially where I was overdue, I had gotten so used to being pregnant.. it kind of felt like that was life as I knew it, and he would always be in there. After the initial shock, of course came the love and for weeks and weeks afterwards, I would look at him and randomly cry. I just couldn’t believe he was ours. I still get it now. He is currently upstairs having a nap, and I just stood there staring at him (as I often do, like an absolute weirdo) and cried – it seems I have been doing that an awful lot lately. For the past two Birthdays I have of course been emotional, but so excited to watch his development.. but there is something about him turning 3. He is now potty trained and a fully fledged talker who doesn’t really seem to need me for much – and that’s kind of a tough pill to swallow. When I first had Joseph, I felt like I really came into my own (as most Mums will find) for months leading up to the birth you doubt yourself – ‘will I be know how to hold them, to settle them, to wind them, to change them ‘ BUT something clicks. Mother nature kicks in and you just take to it because you know your baby like no one else and that still hasn’t changed. I know it actually sounds a bit mental, but it just feels like were one person. That is the only way to kind of explain our bond. I just cant believe we have only known eachother for three years, which in reality isn’t long at all, but it feels like we have always known eachother.
I’ll always be the first person to be honest and frank about Motherhood, and I have done from the start. Its hard, draining, challenging, emotional, and I’m sure I haven’t always got it right BUT there is nothing in the world I would rather be doing. Life was fun and crazy before him, but I feel like I have more of a purpose now. I have a reason. I don’t feel on my own anymore and I’ll never feel alone again. I really had something missing before Joseph came along. Apart from the love and happiness Ad brought in to my life, I was carrying a lot of hurt and heartbreak for so long. I’m not saying that has completely gone but he has truly healed me in more ways than I don’t think he will ever know.
Motherhood is bloody testing and I have cried more since having Joseph than I have ever in my life because at times he drives me so crazy, but if I tried to imagine life without him.. I simply couldn’t. There wouldn’t be a life without him. In one small second I can go from losing my shit, trying to get us out of the front door.. to putting my shoes on and finding toys stuffed in them. It’s those little things that melt my heart like nothing else. The way he thanks us for everything we do ‘Thank you for taking me to the park Mummy and Daddy’ is something he often says and it almost brings us to tears. It’s safe to say, that there is no way I could have done this without my Ad. The first year we faced a lot of challenges and it was really bloody tough but if you can get through that first year of Parenthood, you can get through anything and I am constantly in awe of Ad’s parenting skills – he is something else.
So whilst Joseph turning 3 is really emotional, I’m so excited to watch him grown even more as a kind, loving and funny little boy. I’m super proud of him, of us and actually myself because although I am far from perfect, I’ll never stop striving to be the perfect Mummy that Joseph deserves x