G U I L T ! How can such a small 5 letter word have such an impact! Guilt in general isn’t the nicest feeling in the world – we have all had it, big or small – it happens, you learn from it.
M U M – G U I l T – well, that is another kettle of fish altogether. People told me to prepare for the love, the happiness and the tiredness but no one bloody warned me about the GUILT! It just consumes you, you cant help it! I feel this way even more so lately. I think it is a combination of returning back to work and a bit of tiredness but I feel like it is something I want to learn to manage – where to even start? Where do you even start to manage an emotion that is attached to everything that you do?
Going to work, missing baby groups, the odd night with the girls, one extra glass of wine than I should have, sticking toys in the cot so you get an extra ten minutes – honestly I don’t know where to begin and where to end
I think we put so much pressure on ourselves to get it right, that when we ‘dont’ we just give ourselves the hardest time and feel like we are being judged by other parents – when in actual fact people are too busy trying to manage their own guilt!
I think the way we need to think of it is like this; I’m sure there were times when we had repetitive meals, were left in a wet nappy a little longer than we should have been, missed a trip to the park whilst our parents nursed a hangover – I could go on, but what I am trying to get at is – do you remember those times? I certainly don’t. I think aslong as they are few and far between then HOPEFULLY we may be able to manage the guilt a little bit more. My friends are my biggest cheerleaders for that – they know I worry and they are all about reassuring me so I think it helps to communicate that guilt with people. Us Mamass need the reassurance too! We are all the same, we all feel guilt, but I think the fact that you even care speaks volumes. Use the guilt to your advantage too.. I know that when I have had a night with friends and I get that expected wave of guilt the next day I become more proactive (lets be honest though, maybe not for a day or 2 afterwards) ! I put that extra bit more effort into dinners, outings and cuddles – being a ‘better’ mum!
You know those Mums that you seem to compare yourself to, or be envious of?! – the chances are they are doing EXACTLY the same to you! & that is the way it should be, we should all be admiring each other and learning from each other. So much of what I have done and continue to do with Joseph is from me learning off of other mums. When I write my blog posts it isn’t my way of bragging about the ways I have done things, it is to try and help other people the way I have been helped.
I am in awe of stay at home mums, working mums – all mums! Going forward, lets be brave enough to communicate our guilt with each other because I know we all feel the same and a problem shared is a problem halved and all that. So rather than spend so much time feeling guilty about guilt, lets embrace it, learn from it, and sleep a bit easier knowing were all in the same boat! Amen sistersssssssssss xx
Love Jax x