One thing that I love the most about blogging, is being able to see with my own eyes how I have developed on my personal journey. I also love that it allows me to be honest and open up to people who are able to relate. That is medicine in itself. A year to the day I wrote an honest post about my struggles with anxiety and a bit of background to it. Sometimes you don’t always see for yourself how far you have come and how many changes you have made, but when I read my post earlier on today I couldn’t believe it. Listen, there is no cure for Anxiety but you can learn and adapt yourself to live and deal with it. I kind of had it knuckled down anyway but up until a few weeks ago I had a really tough few months with it. Joseph aside I felt as though I was going through the motions of life and almost just existing. Mostly because I was in a job that was making me miserable and I had the mum guilt to go with it from being away from Joseph. That is a whole different topic that I wont go into but lets just say everything happens for a reason and what is meant to be will always find a way 🙂 For now though, for the first time in a very long time I feel free. Especially for the past month I am able to take deep breaths and have control of my thoughts which is a huge thing in itself because intrusive thoughts is something that I find the most difficult thing to deal with when it comes to Anxiety. Life is very unpredictable and I don’t doubt that there will be many situations in the future that will test me and bring my anxiety back with vengeance BUT it isn’t something that I worry about anymore. That in itself is a huge thing for me. I used to worry about the future so much, and anything else that is out of my control. I don’t get anxious or worried about the trivial things in life, in some cases I can actually be a bit too late back but where my feelings and future is concerned. Reading back on my post last year there are so many things that have changed and I feel like a huge weight is off my shoulders. One thing that has really changed is that I have learnt to let my guard down and show my vulnerable side, because a lot of people (me included) stick on a brave face and act like we have no problems in the world when in fact we have the weight of the world on our shoulders.
This is honestly a post that I could really delve into and pour my heart into, but its just not the way I chose to roll anymore. I used to dwell on the past and worry about the future but I have come to learn one thing – that neither were or are in my control and when you learn to let go of that its a beautiful thing. I have learnt to take each day in my stride, roll with the punches and focus on being the best and most happiest person I can be. My personal journey is never going to be over, no ones ever is and it could all go to shit tomorrow but I’m not about to sit here and dwell or worry about that. Instead I am wrapped in bed, listening to the wind blowing and feeling so appreciative for the roof I have over my head, my candles are lit and my baby is sleeping peacefully. I have been so overwhelmed seeing how many people have opened up this year, I feel as though we are really breaking the stigma of ‘Mental Illness’ – no ones perfect, were all a bit bloody nut and if I’m honest, I think the best people are! I know I will always get my bouts of Anxiety but I refuse to let that take charge or dictate my happiness. What I have come to really learn is that the key to happiness is realising that you already have it all x