Being Mum

Terrible twos or jealous Mama?!

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I know this may seem a little dramatic, however you are on my blog, so you must know what you let yourself in for everytime you click on one of my posts – am I right orrr?!

So I’m feeling like I’m a bit ‘baby bluesy’ lately. Joseph is 20months old so I am no longer at the stage where I can blame this on the ‘hormones’ – although I do give it a good go. I just feel a bit emotional at the moment at the prospect of Joseph getting older. I know he isn’t even 2 yet so I do need to get a grip but he is now losing his ‘babyness’ and growing into a little boy. Whilst it is exciting and I love watching him develop and grow, I do miss him ‘needing’ me so much. Even more so lately, Joseph is allllll about his Dad – haha how bitter do I sound?! Of course I love it and  I love watching them both together and how obsessed they are with eachother BUT what about meee?! Joseph is loving the word ‘No’ at the moment – mainly aimed at me of course. I am unsure whether he does it more because I give him a reaction, but everything I seem to do provokes a  ‘NO’ – Deadly serious, if I so much as look at him sometimes he says ‘No’ and looks away! I have to laugh but I’m not gonna lie, I do sob a little inside. Ad on the other hand can do no wrong as far as Joseph is concerned.. sometimes I just want to say ‘ listen here buddy, just to remind you that I am the one that carried you for 9months, went t-total for 9months, now have slightly saggy boobs and everything that comes with being pregnant, and you ‘re all about your Dad – pick meeeeee

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Take this morning for example. We are forever dancing around in our house and being silly and today was no exception. As soon as Joseph heard the radio he ran into the kitchen and started dancing (so cute) ! Anyway, Ad said to Joseph ‘ dance with Mummy’ – Joseph then conceded to look at me with the ‘ner ner’ face (you know the one) ran over to Ad, stood on his feet and started to dance.

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Of course I am very light hearted about the situation and brush it off with the old classic comment of  ‘kids aye’ followed by the awkward mumble laugh. You know the ones, where you make the laugh noise but your mouth doesn’t actually move and you still have the frown line shooting through your forehead like Harry Potter – yaaaaa that one!

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I know/hope that this is just a passing phase but to be honest I think if we went a little deeper we would realise that this isn’t really the ‘problem’. I think it is more the fact that Joseph is transitioning from a baby to a little boy and it is very bittersweet. Exciting for the obvious reasons but sad because I wasn’t ready for this stage. I didn’t even know that this would be a ‘stage’ but for me it is, a bloody emotional one at that. You are told about and expect all of the development stages but no one tells you about the emotion that comes with them – wahhhhhh. Joseph has naturally always had an obsession with Ad but at the same time, he has mostly been a bit of a ‘Mummies boy’ and clung on to me like a koala bear – now however, it seems that the tables have turned and me no likey! The older he gets it feels like he just doesn’t need me the way he has until now, but of course he still does but just in different ways. I will say thought, the cutest and best part of my day is our down time before bed. I will be in the kitchen, sorting out dinner for me and Ad and as soon as the ‘In The Night Garden’ theme song starts playing, I hear his little footsteps run towards me. He grabs my hand and leads me to the living room where we lay on the sofa and cuddle whilst watching TV – those are the few and far between moments that I truly cherish.

These kids play with your emotions that’s for sure & they are so blissfully unaware of it. I guess the silver lining is that for a while I can make the most of being able to drink hot cups of tea and if Joseph want’s Daddy so much then I am only happy to oblige and let him take full ownership of those nappy changes 😉

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