It feels like its’ been an eternity since I have written anything on here, and I’ve missed it – I have really missed it. It’s mostly the reason why I started blogging, because of how much I love writing, but life happens! Life has been pretty hectic the past 7 months! I went from pretty much having all of the time in the world to starting a new job, my own little business, getting Engaged, being a Mummy and then at then finding out that we are expecting another baby! Put all of that in the mix with being a Mummy, Fiance, Sister, Daughter & Friend and that doesn’t leave much room for anything else! I often feel stretched in a million directions, but hey.. that’s adult life for you and I wouldn’t change it for the world! I love being busy, I mean of course it can get a little overwhelming but I’ve never been one to sit around.
Anyway, so here we are! I’m five months pregnant with a little girl – I still cant believe it! With my first pregnancy we had no preference and was overjoyed when I found out that we were expecting a boy but with the second, of course I would be happy either way but I was desperate to have a little girl. I’d love more kids, and I’m already pushing for a third haha but you just don’t know whether that will happen ,so to have one of each is amazing. Nothing is promised for the future is it. We assumed, already having Joseph, conceiving another wouldn’t be a problem – never did we think it would take us a year! More to come on that in another blog post! I have so many to make up for, I’m going to drive you crazy on my Maternity Leave!
So I have so much I want to write about, having already experienced such a different range of emotions in this pregnancy, but whilst it’s quite fresh there is something I wanted to touch upon first which I shared on my Insta story just yesterday. The guilt of having a second baby!
Those that know me will know how impatient I am. We have had 6 scans aready, one of which was an early pregnancy scan at 6 weeks and another was an early gender scan at 4 months! I mean, bearing in mind this is my second pregnancy you would think I would be a little more relaxed haha.
So with all that in mind, I surprised myself that we’re halfway and yet to buy anything – especially knowing that we are having a girl. It’s so unlike me to have not got something. The excitement of buying pink girly babygrows has always been something that I have been so excited for, so why is it, now that I actually could.. I wasn’t. Ad & I went to Bluewater last week and we was suddenly hit with the realisation of how much we actually need. Although we have had Joseph, that was 3.5years ago and we have got rid of a lot since then/things have changed. So yesterday I set about a checklist and decided to pop into Mothercare before collecting Joseph from Nursery to have a little mooch and make a start. All of a sudden I was overcome with this sheer emotion. There was a subconscious reason that I hadn’t got anything yet and this was why… the overcoming feeling of GUILT – it all of a sudden hit me. The guilt and heartbreak that I felt for Joseph. In hindsight I know its silly – Joseph is going to be obsessed with his little sister, I know that, but I just felt so bad. For the past 3.5years he hasn’t had to share his Mummy & Daddy. We are the three bestest friends – we actually sing it haha because its true. We love all of our special things that we do just the three of us. When we go to get a milkshake on a lazy Sunday, or this weekend coming for example – every few weeks we camp in the living room (Joseph in his tipi) and watch films. I just felt so bad that I was now buying someone else things when there is always stuff that Joseph needs. Naturally once I started I got excited and got her some babygrows, summer hats etc but when I got in the car I just burst into tears. I just felt so sad and also I cant imagine loving anyone else as much as I do Joseph, and then if course I started to feel bad for my little darling kicking inside of me. I mean, I feel SO much better now having spoken to so many people who are/have been in my position and reassured me that its totally normal but I think I really needed that moment just to have a little cry and for it all to sink in! I’m so excited now and I know its going to go from one extreme to the other and I wont be able to stop buying her stuff but I think that was something that I definitely needed to overcome. I’ve decided to make a list of things for the three of us to do before she arrives, just to create some extra special memories with Joseph before our family grows. & also ways to make him feel involved. The beauty of sharing and blogging is knowing how many people are in your position and how much people seek reassurance from me sharing things – all the nitty gritty. You can be surrounded by so many supportive people but there are times that Motherhood can still feel like a little lonely place, so being able to share these fears and worries with others really makes a difference!
Anyway, that aside, I cant wait to share more on this pregnancy with you. I truly underestimated how different it would be – and also how testing it would be with a todder – but equally amazing and exciting in so many ways! As always, any questions or if there is anything you want to share – my Instagram inbox is always open. Or if there is anything you would like me to share/write about let me know! I will of course be sharing with you al of our baby buys and reccomendations that I have had from so many Mummy Bloggers! Baby bits can be so expensive so recommendation and reviews are key! & second hand too! I’ll certainly be doing some of that this time around too. So excited to share this journey with you all x