With my little Joseph turning 1 tomorrow , I feel compelled to write something to mark the occasion. Let me start by saying, What.A.Year. Infact, that almost feels like an understatement. I guess like many, I was quite naive. Of course I was prepared for it to be challenging, but I almost didn’t see past the first few months. It is hard, tiring..oh so tiring BUT my god, THEEEEE most incredible experience. I feel choked as I type (which is no suprise for those that know me ) but for anyone and everyone in general – kids do this to ya. They bring out all kinds of emotions in you. I genuinely feel like my heart is heavy right this second haha soppy yes, but the heart doesn’t lie.
My words of warning to anyone expecting; be prepared to simply love someone more than you could ever possibly imagine. For me personally, I would say that our bond has definatley developed more and more throughout the year. Yes when he was born I was obsessed and I knew I loved him, but equally it was a continuous cycle of feed,change,sleep – I dont know if I fully digested it all – but then maybe it felt so natural and normal there was nothing to digest.
After a fairly quick labour, when they laid him on me I was full to the brim with love – BUT I WAS KNACKERED! It was 4.20am and the last bit happened so quick it was very overwhelming. When I think back it does make me upset. For the reason that it was the most special moment of my life, but also for the reason that films and programmes make you feel like it should have been something different.
I just think sometimes, we are lead to believe something will be a certain way, when in actual fact the reality can be so different. Of course even more amazing than you could have ever imagined, but just different that’s all. What I am trying to say girls, is that, if it doesn’t go the way it was supposed to in your head, please don’t let it get you down because there is that very chance that it wont. It was more my naivety I guess. I have always thought of my labour like some girls do their wedding day. I couldn’t wait for the experience, so I have probably built that up over the years and watched one too many ‘One Born Every Minute’ episodes. ( Not to mention Friends. That programme has influenced my life! The Bf and I are lobsters and I was meant to have a labour like Rachel Greeeeeeeen)
I wrote my Birth Plan as though my labour was going to go accordingly to that. Every birth and labour is different but it is yours and your story, and it will be as beautiful and amazing as anyone else’s X
Bloody hell – this is what I do.. I’m meant to ‘touch’ on a subject, and I end up writing 3 flipping paragraphs.. anyway.. Yes, parenthood. So here I am a year later and firstly I feel as though me and the bf should crack open a bottle tonight and celebrate getting through the year together.I would be lying if I didn’t say it doesn’t put pressure on you as a couple. One of our big strengths is communicating and working through any problems, but when you are tired and full of broken night sleeps, it is hard not to take things out on eachother. And of course there are the competitions of ‘who changed more nappies ‘ who’s day has been the hardest, baby or work’ If I had two bits of advice it would be; men, give your girly reassurance, yes alot has changed for you but more so for her and she may not be feeling her best, and a little vulnerable! Girls, try not to be too resentful. In my first 6 months I felt a bit stripped of my confidence and I felt extremely vulnerable..
..We had just bought a our first house and then had Joseph – I felt like the bf had my heart in his hands and at any given moment, everything could be taken away from me, so so silly now when I look back. I was happy at home with my baby and even though I had gained this whole new identity, I felt as though I had lost myself a bit. In a nutshell I felt as though I was going to be upgraded and I think I became quite suffocating. I was a bit resentful that the life I had, the bf was still living. I think I felt like ‘Fun Bobby’, would people find me boring without a drink and not being able to go out all the time!? When I write and read this all back, it all seems so silly but I felt so strongly about it. If he wanted to go out I would take it so personally. Everything was a personal attack against me. This isn’t how I usually roll. I’m usually chilled out but I was acting a bit neurotic. Girls, take it from me.. he is not going to leave you, he will love you as much as he did before – if not more, he will still fancy you and things may be different for a while but everything does settle back to normal and you become the biggest team. There is no better feeling than being a family unit and I know this is very soppy but I love the baby daddy even moooooore than I did a year ago! Just communicate with eachother and don’t take things so personal. Follow that bit of advice and it will be a breeeze’ish 😉
When you become a mum, you will not stop learning (and googling) I know it is so cliche and everyone has probably told you BUT IT WILL COME NATURALLY. If you give me someone else’s newborn, I honestly don’t know how to hold it, but when the baby is your own, you have it swinging here there and everywhere. I remember when I really felt like a Mum. I had just got Joseph out of the car, baby changing bag hanging off of the other shoulder and I did it all without thinking and I remember thinking ‘bloody hell, when did I grow up’ there is no better job in the world than being a parent. I still have my rare nights out, and I love catching up with the girls but I equally feel a bit boring. I don’t feel the need for them as much anymore. I am so content with some good food and a bottle of red, sound as a pound 😉
Everything is a learning curve, you just have to be confident. Trust your instincts. There is no stronger feeling than your gut. You will know your child better than anyone – trust that. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. I remember when Joseph rolled off of the bed.. it happens guys.. I cried, I felt like the worst Mum in the world..but you soon get over it.. and the chances are, it may happen again! Wriggly little nippers. I hate the thought of anyone feeling alone too, because you can have a million people around you and you still may get those times where you feel a little isolated, but I promise you that it will pass. As the baby gets older and gets more personality it is so much more rewarding. Since having Joseph, I feel as though I really know me and who I am. I am so content in my life and myself, and there is no better feeling. I have done some crazy stuff and many crazy nights out and I am so glad I done all of that because I got so much out of my system I am fully embracing my new role and new life and wouldn’t change it for the world. Still make sure you are you though, aswel as mum. Make sure you still make time to go out and socialise with your friends. For me, I am still that 27 year old girl and I’m not ready to hang that up just yet, you just have to get the balance!
So tonight, once everything has been set up for my Princes big day, I look forward to sitting down with the other half and having a little celebratory glass of wine for our biggest acheivement.
Enjoy and embrace your first year, as it goes so quick – but take it from me, it will be the most amazing year of your life – you have both made my life complete X
*this is just my account of labour and first year of parenting. I understand that everyone’s situation and experience is very different*